Dear Mrs. and Mr. Johnson,
Congratulations, you are the next in line to be recipients of an Adler Doll! We are so thankful for your patience over the past five years. Upon our first meeting, we were heartbroken to learn your story; it is certainly one that is all too common nowadays. Our hope is that our award-winning, life-imitating product will be the long-sought solution to your problem.
Since your deposit has been successfully processed, the next step to take is the required in-home inspection. This will be conducted by an Adler representative to ensure that your house is in suitable condition for the Doll. If there are any inquiries about what constitutes suitable, please contact your local Adler representative. Additionally, call Adler’s HQ to schedule a walkthrough. Please remember, hold times are limited to seven days, otherwise you will be removed from the waitlist.
As future parents to an Adler Doll, there are a few things you must know. Your Doll will arrive merely days old. Try as we might, there are no guarantees as to how long the aging process will take. While their lifespan is designed to that of an average human, our Dolls’ aging process is different. These Dolls are designed for the three- to four-year-old mark to last five times longer than average; however, each Doll is different. In some extreme cases, an Adler Doll has been reported to stay around the thirteenth year for up to ten years. If this is the case, DO NOT BE ALARMED. Please contact your local Adler representative. Note that we do not issue refunds for “faulty” products or any sort of compensation for customer dissatisfaction. However, remember that when selecting Adler for your Doll purchase, you are also choosing our signature, trademarked quality. While there are a multitude of other companies who have tried to market a similar product, Adler is the leading company when it comes to this technology.
Upon arrival, you will find it hard to distinguish your Doll from a human baby. Their soft, supple skin is grafted from the flesh of purebred pigs; their eyes, which are known for their vibrancy of color, are plucked from free-range owls. Furthermore, the blood that pulses through their veins is an award-winning chemical compound that keeps the Doll’s innovative features from decomposing. If ingested, it is lethal to humans.
To keep your Dolls as human as possible, please be sure to check the vitals regularly. If your Doll is low on blood, contact Adler representatives to order more. Extended periods of time without blood will lead to extreme deterioration of physical appearance and eventually the complete malfunction of your Doll. We offer no replacement in cases of neglect (or abuse). However, if your Doll can no longer function, you are welcome and encouraged to join the waitlist again.
Part of what makes an Adler Doll an Adler Doll is our unique ability to customize them to your own desires. From gender, skin color, sexual orientation to hair texture, every aspect of your Doll is under your complete control. Please be wary when designing though; some traits require more upkeep than may be desired. We recommend that you design at least three to completion before making your final selection order. Remember, there are steep fees for the abandonment of your Adler Doll. But if, upon arrival, your Doll is not what was ordered, we recommend reselling it on the private market for reimbursement and then quickly rejoining our ever-growing waitlist.
One final thing we, Adler & Co., would like to emphasize to you, our future parents: do not listen to the anti-Doll propaganda that has been in circulation. There is no empirical evidence that has led Adler Doll researchers to believe that our Dolls are capable of unprompted emotions or organic thoughts. While on the outside they may appear human, inside their software and codes ensure that their personalities are docile, that their voices never rise, and that the emotions they convey can only be enjoyed by you, their parents. If you believe your Doll to be experiencing mood swings, irritability, or, most importantly, increased anxiety or depression, please be ready to report such activity to your local Adler representatives. Without the help of Adler’s world-renowned team of social scientists, it is, though highly improbable, possible for these traits to lead to peer-driven, risk-taking, and even rebellious or defiant behavior. In the unfortunate, and stand alone, case of Mrs. and Mr. Davis, unreported abnormal activity in their Doll was partially responsible for their passing. Remember that we, Adler & Co., will always put our parents first. From their first breath to their last, Adler & Co. is by your side!
We look forward to hearing from you,
With care,
Adler Dolls
Sophia Krohn is currently an English major and senior at KSU. After graduation, she is going to pursue a Master of Fine Arts for creative writing. Currently, when she is not busy with work and school, Sophia loves playing Animal Crossing New Horizons, watching Indie Animation on YouTube, and reading books while cuddling with her two cats. As she has a deep love for fantasy novels, it is her biggest dream to one day publish her own series.